New Recruits

Welcome to our new recruits

Come in and rest by the fire

We’re so glad you could join us

Our numbers get higher and higher

Don’t be put off by the decor

Here red is the new black

We find it’s very in-keeping

With tradition and all that

Work days are pretty erratic

You’ll soon get used to that

The work is hot and back-breaking

But the rewards far outweigh that

The perks of the job are amazing

Extreme weight loss guaranteed

As good as an ‘on the job’ sauna

You won’t so much sweat as bleed

Free accommodation provided

All of it open plan of course

Cold draughts are non-existent

With brimstone as your floor

Now I know the noise is horrendous

But you’ll find it won’t take long

Until the intense screaming

Becomes your favourite song

You’ll see were always busy

Never an idle day here

It won’t be long until you feel

That you’ve been here for years

Early retirement is encouraged

So you can rest your weary soul

An eternal spa is provided

Just don’t expect to return

Come now let’s get started

You’ll soon learn all the ropes

In your new job as a devil’s aide

Where leaving is beyond all hope